I just read Max Lucado new book Fearless, first book of his I have ever read, very interesting read.

It gave me reason to pause.

What would you do if you could not fail?

Write a book?

Run a marathon?

Approach a great looking person of the opposite sex?

Call a famous person?

Ask for a raise?

Go back to college?

Paint a picture?

Make an incredible dish?

The list really is endless, the possibilities are endless…

So what if you did set out to accomplish your dream and you knew you could not fail, would you keep at it until it succeeded? Of course you would. You will win.

Think about successful people, accomplished people, Ben Franklin, he knew he would uncover the secret of electricity.  He knew he would could not fail- in the end, so he kept at it until it worked. He reached the success.

So, me, I am making a list, what would I do if I knew I could not fail?

What are we afraid of? A couple of things come to my mind…

Looking bad, loosing money, gaining weight, loosing a friend or loved one.

The one thing I don’t believe it ever really is, is the fear of failure. You might think that, you might even believe that. But you fail by not ever getting in the game, you fail by not starting, you fail by stopping.

What if you don’t find your soul mate, you think that is a failure, but if you are afraid to put yourself out there because you might get turned down, think of the worst case, you miss him/her because you never said hi.

What’s the worse that can happen?

What’s the best that can happen?

I took a most unusual job, seemed quite easy on the surface, as matter of fact seems almost like Santa, I give gifts to people, I thought people would agreed easily to their part of the equation go visit our resort, listen to our presentation. I am finally seeing after 3 months in, there is nothing I can’t do,  rejection doesn’t hurt me, it hurts them because they don’t get to see the benefits.  I can only fail if I stop trying, if I don’t keep practicing and perfecting my pitch. I know I can’t fail and I am neither worried nor fearful.

Start a speaking career, that excites me.

Lose 100 pounds, I’m halfway there, that excites me.

See my sons graduate from college, that excites me (ok that has very little to do with me).

Write a book, one letter, one page at a time, that excites me.

Cruise around the world.

Find someone to love and that loves me, that really excites me.

My name is fearless.

It’s all in how you look at it.

I can relate. The internet has change our world completely, I imagine much in the same way the car change those living in 1908.

It seems that every great invention has it pluses and minuses. Divorced at 44, new to dating after 22 years I gravitated toward the internet, it was easier for a busy Realtor with 3 sons.  I quickly learned that the advantage to sort, sift and get to know someone also made it an disadvantage, way too easy to discard and move on.

I therefore I felt that the last couple of times I was very disposable, easily discarded and not taken very seriously.  To combat this I took on making myself more attractive, reading books on how to attract and keep a man and so on, very big undertaking and still in progress, but I have to say it has given me a bit of an attitude. If women were not hard enough on themselves.

Why is it that men still call the shots, are their any, who are working on themselves? expanding their brains? working their brawn? There are some, true, that exercise regularly, I don’t think it’s so much to please  women, or else they would go shopping,  get a haircut and a facial. They work on their brains to make more money. I hear from men friends and prospects alike, “They are lonely,they can’t find any good women,  women only want bad boys and handsome tall men,

Excuse me guys, it’s all bullshit, only thing I can really call it. It’s a whiney, pity party to lay blame somewhere else. We all know what the number 1 criteria a woman looks for in a man is someone who can make her laugh and then someone who adores them and then maybe a good kisser or dancer.

They start off really great  for about 2 weeks about all they can keep at it and then they go back to their thoughtless, selfish and boring ways.

Women are to blame too, we get ourselves all made up pretty and we laugh at all their jokes and we smile and let them open our car door. The next thing you know we nagging because they left the toilet seat up and they were a half hour late and forgot what we like to drink. We start leaving off the make-up and put on our sweats.

Nowadays I get to talk to lots of couples, newlyweds so cute and attentive and long term 50+ year couples and they are so sweet, looking out for each other and  finishing each others sentences.  The problem as my good friend Bev so astutely pointed out is that “we didn’t stick it out, we didn’t stay past the painful parts to get to the happily ever after. I gave up after 20 years and now I can barely stand it 2 months, with the same man.

Where did our committment go?

Welcome to the future.

It’s that thing that we get lost in, that some people dread (that’s the gardening for me, YUCK!) I feel called to it, it’s like a narcotic, makes calms me and gets me high, both at the same time often.

I love writing, I feel the words dancing inside my body, stretching to get out. It’s the arranging in the right order that is a challenge sometimes.

It’s methodical too, the sheer physical work of setting it down, making an outline, doing some research and praying.  I have to give all the credit to God, my best works that started as a tiny seed grew by the touch of his hand. Sometimes I am such a zone that it flows right thru me by divine grace.

So back to my porch, I did dream and plan that this is the way I wanted to write not that I’ve been waiting, I been writing my whole life, but now I’m “serious”, I want that great American novel or something to come pouring out. I thought 51 years of living plus practice, and some knowledge would make it pour forth, it’s not.

I saw John Grisham on a talk show the other day talking about his new book, 1.5 million on the first printing. He wasn’t always the talented, prolific author, his first novel “A Time to Kill{” was rejected  around 45 times  he was turned down by some 25 agents. It was not that great either, it was convoluted and muddled. They made the movie great.

So I sit here  watching the sunrise over the ocean, listening to the surf and I write while I wait and I pray.

I think I might start with one of my most popular blogs “Guilty as Charged” and go from there.

I will take suggestions and some divine intervention.

The knowledge that you can control your fate, that in fact God calls us to do so.  I go one step father as some do to say that you create your life exactly the way it is and exactly the way it isn’t. Sit with that awhile, explanations later.

I’ve had goals and dreams and vision boards all mylife and now I have a photo album filled with my dream life. I am living my dream, really I am, and I have been living my dream all my life.

Let me tell you about now then I will go back.  I have a beautiful home in Hilton Head – see the pics it is real and on the market for 6.5 million dollars, it is what I want to buy when I publish my bestseller.

Overlooking the Atlantic and beautiful pool, 6000 sq feet of absolute luxury. Some things I imagine there: a house full of family and friends, a kitchen full of wonderful food and a garage full of luxury cars. Anyone who knows me especially my children, know that the Lexus sports coupe in Black is my dream car I’ve said it very time I have seen it for years. I can see it, feel it, smell the leather, hear it purr.

Well this Sept 6th I moved to sunny beautiful South Carolina for good, not my Hilton Head but Myrtle Beach, I found my oceanfront home in a 1 br 60o sq ft 3rd floor oceanfront condo, which I love, I see the sunrise every morning and go to sleep to the ocean every night. I am just as happy if not more so, I have very little to clean. I don’t have to worry about the taxes or hurricanes. My son Jon came to visit and we got closer.  I realized I would rather have a 6.5 million dollar business and give 50 people a job rather than am ostentatious testimony to greed. If ever given the chance.

Then one day after shortly after moving here, going with my friend Marty to the spa in her Lexus sports coupe I didn’t need my own when I can ride in hers. I do have my Sebring convertible, it’s so fun and sporty and gets me around fine and I don’t have to worry about fixing an expensive part,  my son Matthew does that just fine.

I have in my photo album a picture of couple, walking hand in hand on a beach, I found David and we do that all the time, we are not as young as the couple but we still look pretty good.

I have some other things, some jewelry, but I make that all the time and it’s fun. I have a plane and a boat we will have to see how that comes to pass.

I can’t begin to describe to you how happy I am, my friends all say “you deserve it” and yes I do deserve it and you do too.

I spent  many years and particularly the last 7 concentrating on my kids, did I do the best I could? probably not, but I know I always did it with them first in my mind and heart, my vision always had my kids happy and healthy first. My prayers always began : “God keep me kids happy and safe”. So far so good. Some things did not work out the way I wanted – a catholic high school education, I failed that task, did I fail them?  I think they would say no. I hope they would say no. Maybe I will get a second chance with my grandkids to make good on that promise.

I sincerely believe all those years in survival mode were necessary, first things first. Your children, your faith and figuring out exactly how you want your life to look.

I still want to write that book and am doing so every morning overlooking the ocean, I want to do some public speaking, I will get there too, no doubt. The other things change, ebb and flow like the ocean. I understand now how some live humble lives saving thier earnings and then giving it all away in death to their favorite cause.  It’s the passion in doing, not the accumulating, it’s the satisfaction of a job well done, not in the reward.

It’s not the accomplishment in getting the best looking and richest man in town, it’s the giddiness from laughing together at your inside jokes. It the light in his eyes when you feel he thinks you’re beautiful and a catch.

I had a new philosophy too, coming to the beach, I wanted to not worry about calories or dollars, some how I keep losing weight and I try not to obsess over it. I try not to be a spendthrift but I don’t fret over money either, I give my tithe, and every single time I need money it’s there, miraculously so.

If I could be known for one thing it’s how much I care about others and everything else I’ ve gotten in spades, I am so grateful that my mind created this wonderful life for me to marvel at each day, it’s actually better than I dreamed up.

I am so heartbroken for her and her marriage troubles, a whole lot more than the Tiger Woods scandal. You have seen for years how in love with her husband Sandra  is, declaring it and appreciating him.

That brings me to the first of my points, it appears and all the “relationship” books will tell you, don’t let a man know how much you like them, they are no longer the pursuer, the hunter. How I have longed for the man who would let me be honest about my feelings, not suppose to be that way in marriage though, you’ve committed, you’re in, you stop looking for someone to pursue, supposedly, hopefully.

They were doing a recap on some show I happened upon, look who had cheating husbands, Halle Berry, Kate Winslett and Renee and on and on, if they cheat on these gorgeous women , what chance do we ordinary women have? But we do, read on.

I believe men and women share the blame equally, let them know they can’t get away with it and start saying no before you’re married. We will never fix our families and our country until we go back to this.  The sexual revolution has not freed women sexually, it has given men all they want without the need for commitment. Do some men want commitment, yes, but our society bombards them with sexual images all day long, I sincerely believe it would be almost impossible to control their urges constantly. Bravo to those that do.

I have young adult sons, and I have always known that you try to keep the temptations away, but they are everywhere, I hide my Victoria Secret catalogue, you mothers know that. You fathers of daughters, you know you keep your daughters away from fuzzed lipped boys, it’s hormones. We all know that.

Which brings me to another point. Something I have been saying for years, we, as a society have to stop with the instant satisfaction, in every area, not just sex; it’s food, alcohol, eating (that’s my weakness) shopping, keeping up with the Joneses.  The spending, I’m guilty, the government is especially guilty but even they are just giving us what we keep asking for, more and more.  Jim Bunning Senator for Ky recently drew a line in the sand and said no more spending until we have the money, it happened to be for unemployment and was widely unpopular. I started it at home, had to, no more spending unless it’s on the budget and it’s strict and lean. Boy does it feel better than spending, being frugal it feels good and right.

I digress though, back to the sex – A study just put out by;  by the sex researcher Joe McIlhaney from the Medical Institute for Sexual Heath in Austin  recently co-authored the book Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children with Dr. Freda McKissic Bush. McIlhaney said the book contains, “The most modern neuro-science available to man today.”  says that men and women bond when they first are intimate and subsequent encounters with other partners weakens the chemical bonding.

AHH, HA, I have known this for years, and you women know it to. The research goes on to say that a 20 second hug is enough to bond a woman to someone, skin on skin sex creates oxytocin in women helping create that loving feeling. Think about it, men you are lucky this happens to women, because most of you are not that great to look at and are quite inept at communication, I’m sure you wondered sometime in the back of your brain how we fell in love with you men at all, here it is.  First for women though is a mental connection they are interested by a man and then emotional connection, they like his personality, his traits are important to them.  You need to follow these steps first before you think about being intimate.

But men also secrete a hormone called vasopressin, also known as the “monogamy” hormone. Men need to be in a place in the relationship where they are not only attracted to a woman physically but emotionally and mentally, or else they have uncertainty come into play.

All this supports waiting for mature adults and abstinence for young adults. Many sexual partners will destroy your brain’s ability to commit to one person and to keep looking for happiness in the next person.

Which brings me back to Hollywood, can we blame these people, I felt sorry for Tiger Woods, you know he had all those beautiful women thrown at him. It’s like an alcoholic working as a bartender or a food addicted at the buffet, sure willpower and determination comes to into play but I have to doubt that it is sustainable. What has really happened is that it’s more acceptable, and it’s splashed everywhere in the media, sure it happened 50 years ago but it was swept under the rug. I think that is where it needs to stay whether it’s in the couple next door’s house, the preacher, or the movie star. BTW, this is Sandra Bullock’s first marriage and Jesse’s 3rd, hmmm.

It really is no one’s business and it damages all of us especially those involved. Leave everyone’s private lives to themselves.

It’s time to replace “Just do it” to “just say no!”

It abated for a while,  but I wanted a cure, a reason, an explanation.

I had relapses, my son, Jim would research and I  tried cutting out caffeine, sugar, sodas, my equal (which I love) added vegetables and iron. We did read over and over that breathing is very essential to relieving the symptoms.

I think sometimes it has been a positive experience not to have insurance, you don’t run to the doctor and medicate for every little thing. Though to me this was no little thing.

Sometimes it’s just a little dizziness like when you stand up and have to take a deep breath and steady yourself. Then sometimes it was so bad you can’t get out of bed, or rollover because the room would spin and then you’re nauseous and then of course you throw up. Those days were a nightmare and I thought at times I didn’t want to live thru it.

The fall of this year it started up again, extreme case, right before my 50th birthday, I do believe stress triggers it, but then  from all my research, I have found for me that weight gain does it too. You don’t breathe as deeply when you have belly fat pressing on your diaphragm. It’s a vicious s cycle as I have learned. You don’t burn fat as efficiently if your breathing is shallow (it’s not the only thing of course but it contributes). You have trouble breathing while you sleep and restless sleep brings fatigue that hinders weight loss.

My last bout of  vertigo began the day after thanksgiving, I have been desperate to find something, doing all the aforementioned remedies, more changes to the diet and breathing techniques, ear drops and antihistamines. I finally got some relief after 2 days of an exercise video, not that it was any extreme weight loss, but I believe it was the increase of oxygen to my brain and I have found dozens of  articles and systems that confirm that.   I will bring my results here as they happen.

I have found several programs to help vertigo and weight loss through proper breathing.  My goal is to bring you alternative therapies first on weight loss and vertigo and then move on from there. allergies will probably be my second topic.

I took a great test at: www.breathing.com, it was very extensive and I flunked every section, things I never knew, please go to take it if you’re curious. I feel better already learning to breathe correctly though it’s been difficult. My dizziness has subsided and my head feels clearer, even though I am still a blond. I am ready to take on breathing as a method to weight loss, I think it’s working already. I have lost 4 pounds and feel more energetic.

You know how when you have something on your mind, you become aware of seeing it everywhere. This morning I read this article about Harriet Richardson Ames 100, receiving her degree, read her feel good story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100127/ap_on_re_us/us_centenarian_degree

She had a goal took small step over her 100 years and made it.

How many of you are you willing to stay at the task to reach your goal, even if it took your whole entire life?

At the end of 2010 you will be closer to your goals or farther away, but it will still be the start of 2011 will you start it with regret or accomplishment.

Remember  lifelong habit’s have been ingrained over time, don’t beat yourself up, that doesn’t do anybody any good. Do one thing every day that gets you closer to your dreams. If you falter and you will, get back up start where you are and get going again.

Last night at our networking meeting we talked about our “WHY”.

Ask yourself, “why do I get up every morning and do what I do”?

What was her purpose in getting her degree at 100, it could be many things but I know one thing it wasn’t to make more money.

Today I want to discuss having fun along the way.  I am one of those “blue” people.  If you have ever read about the 4 types of personalities you know what I am talking about. The socializer, the one who likes to have fun, almost always above all else.

Which brings me to the small changes in your life.  Changes to improve your life, not add stress,  to enjoy your time on this journey we call life.

I think for many of us 9-11 was a wake-up call for several reasons. The workaholic, keep up with the Jones, materialism 90′s were over. We  reconnected with our families and friends, gave back to our communities,  had more fun. I know many of us, myself included did  just that.

It got hard though, work kept calling, our 40 hour week turned into 50,  our vacation days were gone, our health care was watered down or disappeared and/or the price rose. We had no choice but to work harder sometimes we made more but it was not a net gain, our stocks, retirement and home values went down.

Then the good news we decided to strike out on our own, we went to work for ourselves, we followed our dreams, we simplified our lives. We learned the “Secret” what we could believe we could achieve. We found we could live with a lot less.

I receive every weekday an e-mail form Tut, they are from the “universe”. You can go to tut.com, put in your dreams and aspirations and they send you an e-mail daily. Here was mine today:

“People who do all they can, with what they’ve got, from where they are, Dawn, no matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, simply have more fun. Way.

Of course, to the uninitiated it doesn’t appear that way. To them it appears as if only those taking gigantic leaps, who drive cars with fancy wheels, have loads of friends, perfect bodies, and fly around the world in First Class Sleeper Seats, are having fun. But what they don’t realize is that we’re often talking about the very same folks, just at different points in their journey.

Coffee, tea, or a brand new Bentley?
The Universe”

It always seems appropriate especially in light of my “baby steps” blog yesterday.

Enjoy today, take one step toward your goal but by all means please enjoy it.

I read recently (I’m not sure where) that our biggest downfall is in making large life changes.  In this age of transformation and thinking big, this was a novel idea.  It stayed on my mind. I began to give the idea merit.

I have my big vision board: strong faith with the Lord, new car, big beach house, loving relationships, large weight loss.  I believe there is a place for that, but I am beginning to think that sometimes it sabotages your efforts.  It seems so far away, so hard, almost impossible. The purpose is to open our minds, we are not suppose to worry about the how, we are to believe.

Live in the Lord and he will worry about the how.  Believe, make the small changes and over time it will become a habit.  Do your part, they don’t have to be grand gestures.

I liken it to giving to Haiti relief by texting on your cell, $10.00 adds up.

One of my favorite saying:

“This is God, today I am in charge of your problems, have a great day!”

That’s how I am beginning to think, it is in the small steps, the baby steps.

21 days to a habit. Today, I will eat right,  breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, healthy food. I will walk.  Nothing dramatic, making a habit, one step at a time.  Today I will call 1 more person than the day before, I will stick to my schedule. I will help 1 person, I will say my prayers this morning, read my bible this evening. I will turn off the tv.

These are my baby steps. What are yours?

I’ve been half thinking about doing something to advance our cause ever since, never accomplishing much except maybe in my head.

I am going to give it a better shot this year.

I could tackle the inequality in pay since the Equal Pay Act became law June 10, 1963 and the wage gap was 59%. Meaning women made 59% of what men make  in the same position and today it’s still a miserable 81%.

Today though I take on a different aspect.

Many women will probably take offensive.  The so-called sexual revolution.

It has taken women’s status back 1000′s of years in my opinion. “We” wanted casual sex, we wanted the stigmatization of being “easy” removed if we wanted to express our love physically to our unmarried partner.

Let’s take a look at where it’s gotten us:

Teenage pregnancy rates at:

33% of women before the age of 20 get pregnant. The highest for an industrialized nation.

Unwed pregnancy:

An unbelievable 40% of pregnancies are unwed and 75% are over 20 years old. I do applaud the rights  of women to plan a birth without marriage, but I would suggest that the majority are not planned.

Divorce rate:

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”

To me the most telling fact, we have the First African American President before we had the First Female President or Vice President. Statistically this does not make sense. Women make up 50.7% of the population according to Us Census BUreau 2008 stats and African Americans 12.8%.

I am not saying we should not vote for the most capable candidate all I am saying is statistically we as women should have a lot more viable candidates.

My theories and mine alone what is holding women back is NOT the  Equal Pay law, NOT Roe vs Wade, NOT Title 9 but the sexual revolution.

As a divorced woman of 6 years after close to 21 years of marriage I am appalled at the attitudes of men out there dating. But I have to say to clarify and say that women gave those attitudes to men.

The way we dress, (I am very guilty myself)  the way teens’ dress, the media, the portrayal of women as sex objects, look at the cheerleaders of any team including college.

There was an episode of “Sex and the City” that examined exactly what I am talking about. A very early episode in which Carrie suggest women have sex like men, witouth care or emotion. When in fact she tries the experiment and the man is at first outraged at her selfish approach, he then makes an about face and says “now you know what I want sex anytime without attachment”. Suffice it to say I know very few women who want that.

I have been known to get into heated debated with men and women on this subject and I will explore them tomorrow.

Please feel free to leave comments I will be happy to explore them.